Rough & Ready Page 22

  I don’t bother to ask him why he’s here—I’m pretty sure I already know the answer to that. Instead I settle for asking, “Do you want to sit down?” as I gesture to the chair in front of my desk.

  “No.”

  It’s not the answer I’m expecting. Then again, this is Tanner. When does he ever do what I’m expecting? “Oh. Okay. Ummm…”

  Silence hangs between us for long seconds. Right up until he blurts out, “My high school girlfriend died when I was twenty-one years old.”

  “I’m…what?” His words slam into me like a wrecking ball, reverberate inside my head like the deepest, loudest gong. “Oh my God. I’m sorry.”

  My brain is exploding all over the place, my heart sinking to my knees. I start to hug him, to pull him close so I can offer comfort I didn’t even know he needed. But he just waves me away in a let me get this out kind of way.

  Because I get it, I step back and wait for him to continue. It doesn’t take long.

  “We’d been together since we were fifteen and I was going to marry her. We had the whole thing planned out. We’d graduate from college, I’d get drafted and she’d go to grad school in physical therapy. After we both were established in our careers, we’d get married. Start a family. Live happily ever after.”

  As he says the last, there’s a bitterness in his tone that twists my stomach into even tighter knots. As does the knowledge that he loved a woman enough to want to marry her. Which isn’t the point right now—at all—but it still shakes me up. Still makes me hurt, for him, for her and for us.

  “But she died, three weeks before draft day. She died three weeks before I signed my first multimillion-dollar contract for the NFL. She died three weeks before I had the money to save her and I think, subconsciously, I’ve spent my life trying to make up the fact that I was too late.”

  “Oh God.” The whole room goes gray and fuzzy at his words and I grab on to the desk in an effort to steady myself. “Oh, baby. I’m so sorry.”

  He shakes his head. “I didn’t tell you because I wanted you to feel sorry for me. I told you because I want you to understand.”

  “I get that. It’s why I told you about Jeremy.”

  He closes his eyes like just the sound of my ex-boyfriend’s name wounds him. “I’m not sorry that I punched him. I’m sorry that I did it at the Hall of Fame. And I’m sorry that I didn’t damage him more. But I’m not going to lie to you and say that I’m sorry I broke his fucking nose. Because I’m not.”

  “I’m not sorry you broke his nose, either. Though I am really sorry you did it in Knoxville.” I pause, take a deep breath. “What was her name?”

  “Allison. Her name was Allison.” He moves then, comes right up to the desk I’m now standing in front of. “Maybe I will sit.”

  He waits for me to gesture to a chair before he does, and then he sinks into the seat closest to me. He reaches out, wraps his arms around my hips and pulls me close. And then he just holds me for long seconds, eyes closed, giant hands splayed on my back, head resting on my abdomen.

  It feels so good to be held by him again, to feel the warm heat of his breath against my stomach. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, one hand cradling the back of his head, and hold him to me for as long as he’ll let me.

  “She was diagnosed with cancer when we were in our senior year in college—the fast-moving, aggressive kind that doesn’t give you any time to waste. Her parents didn’t have health insurance on her because her dad was a contract worker and her mom worked part-time at the library. They paid out of pocket when they went to the doctor. Except you can’t do that when you have cancer because it costs…millions.

  “Trying to get health care after the diagnosis was impossible for obvious reasons, and so no oncologist would see her. None would treat her, no matter how much I begged. No matter how much I promised them that I would pay once the money started rolling in. Said it was a bad risk—if I couldn’t pay for half the treatments up front, then they couldn’t help her.

  “She started getting sick, really sick, and she was in horrible pain. Her family doctor prescribed her pain meds to help with that, but for them to work she had to take so much that she was barely coherent. I lost her weeks before she actually died, weeks when I prayed every day for draft day to get here. Weeks when I promised her and her family that if she could just make it that far, I would take care of everything. I would get her whatever treatment she needed. I would spend everything to save her, if I had to.

  “But she didn’t make it that far,” I whisper, tears rolling unchecked down my cheeks.

  He shakes his head. “She didn’t make it that far. It nearly destroyed me. And it made me determined to make it up to her every day since.”

  “By making sure that your sisters and any other woman in your life has all the protection you can give us.” It’s a statement, not a question, but he answers anyway.

  “Yeah. I mean, I’m not going to lie. I’ve always been overprotective of the people I care about. But this rabid, have-to-protect-you-even-when-you-don’t-want-or-need-to-be-protected behavior? That started after Allison died. I didn’t realize it until Shawn pointed it out, but once he said it…It fit. And while I’d like to say that I’ll stop now that I know what caused it, I don’t know if I’ll be able to. I’ll try. For you, I’ll try anything. But I can’t promise—”

  “You don’t have to promise anything, Tanner.”

  “But I do. I fucked up with you. I fucked up badly. In the time we were together, you only asked me for one thing. And I was so wrapped up in my rage, so wrapped up in the fact that I couldn’t protect you, that I couldn’t give you that one thing. I’m sorry for that. I’m really, really sorry.”

  “I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have left you in that hotel room in Knoxville. I should have talked to you instead of storming out. Should have listened to what you had to say.”

  He shakes his head. “I don’t think I would have been able to tell you this then. I think I needed to lose you, to spend one of the most miserable weeks of my life without you, before I was ready to go back to the other most miserable time in my life.”

  He pulls away from me then, and it hurts, the need I have to keep holding him. To keep being held by him. “I’m sorry, Elara. I’m really, really sorry. And I can’t promise that I won’t fuck up again. That I won’t be overprotective or forget for a minute that you need to be in control of your life. But I promise that I’ll try. I promise that every day of my life—of our life together if you give me a second chance—I’ll put you first. And I’ll try to be the partner you deserve.”

  “You’re already more than I deserve,” I tell him.

  “Don’t say that.”

  “It’s true. I’m a lot—I know that.”

  “You’re perfect.”

  I laugh. “I’m not and we both know that. Just like I know that there aren’t many guys strong enough to take me on and let me be me. After what happened with Jeremy, I was okay being alone. I was okay not being able to rely on anyone—or at least I thought I was.

  “And then you came along with your giant heart and your desire to put yourself between me and whatever is going to hurt me. And that terrified me—way more than the presents, way more than the incredible sex, way more than the press that started hounding me once you showed up. Because I was scared that I would start to rely on you. Start to expect you to be there standing beside me whenever I needed you.

  “For a woman who has never had that, it’s terrifying to imagine growing to need it…and then losing it. It’s one thing for me to do everything on my own because I don’t know any better, to not trust anyone because there’s never been anyone to trust. But the idea of trusting you, of giving you everything, and then having you decide—like everyone else in my life—that I’m not enough? Just the idea was terrifying, Tanner.”

  “I would never do th
at, baby. If you want me, I promise you, you’ve got me. And I will always have your back even when you wish I didn’t. I’ll do my best to step back when you want or need to lead, but I will always be right there next to you. And I will always have your back.” Tears bloom in his beautiful green eyes for a second and he closes them, takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry about Knoxville. And I’m sorry I ruined the most important moment of your life. I wish I could go back and do it over—”

  “Stop.” I put a finger on his mouth, wait until he opens his eyes and looks me straight in the face before I say anything else. “First of all, I’m pretty sure this is the most important moment of my life. Second of all, it got us here, so what happened in Knoxville maybe isn’t the worst thing in the world. I mean, please don’t ever do it again, but…”

  “I won’t.” He takes my hands in his, brings them to his lips where he kisses first one and then the other. “But I have to tell you, I need you to at least think about not letting this thing with Jeremy go. He needs to be punished for what he did to you and more, he needs to be—”

  “Stopped. He needs to be stopped, so he doesn’t do it to anyone else.”

  Relief floods his face. “Yes.”

  “I know. I’ve been thinking about that a lot this last week. And, honestly, for a long time I was scared to do it alone. Scared that he would find a way to destroy the life I’ve worked so hard to make for myself and for the kids who need Rebound. But I’m not afraid anymore.” Because I have Tanner. Because, for the first time in my life, I have someone who’s got my back.

  Like he knows what I’m thinking, Tanner smiles gently. “You don’t have to be afraid anymore, Elara. You decide what you want to do about him. And you do it—by yourself or with me beside you, if that’s what you want. But I promise, no matter what, that I’ll be there when you’re done. And that I’ll protect you and everything that’s important to you with everything that I have and everything that I am.”

  And God, that’s everything I ever needed right there, in that sentence. Everything I ever wanted and never knew I did. I lean forward, press kisses on his cheeks, his jaw, his full, lush lips. “Want to know a secret?” I whisper to him when I can finally bring myself to stop.

  “What?” he asks, those green eyes of his full of lust and love and strength. So much strength that it makes everything inside me settle into place, maybe for the first time in my life.

  “I’m going to marry you.”

  Those eyes go huge. “Is that a proposal?”

  “It’s a promise. So you can either get on board or—

  “Oh, I’m on board,” he tells me. “I am so, so on board.”

  And then he kisses me, this man who is my partner and my protector, my love and my life. This man who is my everything.

  Talk about your perfect rebound…

  Epilogue

  Tanner

  “Are you nervous? You look nervous.” Elara runs what I’m pretty sure she thinks is a soothing hand down my chest. All it actually does, though, is make me horny as fuck, even though we spent most of the morning in bed. There’s just something about looking at my woman all dressed up that turns me on. Then again, looking at her in basketball shorts does the same thing, so I’m pretty sure it’s her and not the clothes…

  “I’m not nervous,” I answer, taking hold of her hand and bringing it to my lips. I press kisses on the back of her hand, on her palm, on the tips of each of her fingers. I love the way she flushes at the attention, love even more the way her eyes go from frantic to dazed in the space of just a few seconds.

  “Are you sure?” she asks when I finally lift my head. “Because it’s okay to be nervous—”

  “I’m pretty sure you’re the one who’s nervous,” I tell her, pulling her close. I keep her hand in mine, even as I press her long, lush body against mine, loving the feel of her skin against mine. Loving even more the feel of the amethyst and diamond ring on her left ring finger that tells the world that she’s mine.

  It’s probably a little barbaric how much I like the fact that she’s wearing my ring. When I picked it out for her, she laughed a little, commenting on the fact that the three stones—two amethysts set on either side of the main diamond—could be seen from space. I didn’t tell her that that was what I’d been going for, a way to show every man between here and Mars that she is taken.

  “Of course I’m nervous!” she answers, burying her face against my neck for a few precious seconds. “It’s our first dinner party as a couple.”

  I slide one hand to her hip and the other up to cup the back of her head as I hold her against me. It’s so rare for her to do this, to burrow against me and let me comfort her—let me give her a little of my own strength—that I can’t help wanting to hold on for as long as she’ll let me. Being engaged to—being in love with—a woman as strong as Elara is the most amazing experience of my life. But it doesn’t leave much room for me to be protective, so I cherish every chance I get.

  More like every chance she gives me, because she knows that, occasionally, I need it.

  “Sweetheart, there’s nothing to be nervous about,” I murmur in her ear as I rock back and forth just a little. “You know everyone who’s coming.”

  “I’ve met everyone who’s coming,” she contradicts, her mouth muffled against my shirt. “Which is not the same thing. Especially since I wasn’t your fiancée then.”

  “Does it matter? The guys love you. And my sisters—”

  “Love you even more,” Tina says as she sweeps into the living room in a microscopic dress that sends my blood pressure shooting through the roof—and not in a good way. “Seriously, E, you’ve got this.”

  Elara laughs a little as she finally raises her head and steps away—she’s learning to lean on me when she needs it, but that doesn’t mean she wants anyone else to see her do it.

  Still, I hold on a couple of extra seconds just because I can, then reluctantly let her go.

  “You aren’t actually planning on wearing that, are you?” I demand of Tina.

  “I most certainly am.” She narrows her eyes at me. “It’s new and I love it.”

  “It’s obscene,” I answer, narrowing my eyes right back. “And you aren’t wearing it around a bunch of ballers.”

  “Excuse me, but I’m a grown woman. You don’t get to tell me what I can or can’t wear.”

  Normally, I’d agree. But I’ll be damned if I’m serving up my sister to the O line like some kind of sacrificial lamb. I’d really hate to have to kill one of the rookies now that we’ve finally got the line working the way it’s supposed to.

  “Maybe not. But that dress—”

  “You look beautiful, Tina,” Elara says, smiling warmly at my sister.

  “She looks naked,” I contradict.

  “She looks beautiful,” Elara says again, and the look she gives me promises all kinds of things if I’ll let it go.

  So I do, even though it hurts a little. “You do look beautiful,” I say grudgingly.

  Tina whoops and makes a beeline for the kitchen. “Thanks, Elara!” she calls over her shoulder.

  “Eventually that’s going to stop working on me,” I tell Elara grumpily as the buzzer for the gate signals the arrival of our first guest.

  “What?” she asks, all wide-eyed innocence and sexy smile.

  “You know what.” I pull her into me once more and plant a kiss on her peach slicked lips that’s a little bit rough and a whole lot of ready.

  She laughs at first, but then she kisses me back, her body melting into mine so completely that I can’t help wondering how long we’ll have to play hosts before Elara will let me talk her into slipping away from the party for a few minutes.

  I’m getting hard just thinking about it and I start to pull away before I end up embarrassing myself in front of whoever is pulling up the driveway. But it’s
Elara’s turn to hang on, Elara’s turn to slide her hand into my hair and keep my mouth pressed to hers for several long, delicious seconds.

  “I love you,” she whispers against my mouth when we finally come up for air.

  “I love you, too,” I whisper back. “And I always will.”

  I feel her lips curve into a smile even though I can’t see them. “I know.” And then she nips at my bottom lip, just because she can.

  I’m about to say to hell with the party and drag her back to my bedroom, caveman style, when the doorbell rings.

  Elara pulls away. “How do I look?” she asks, smoothing her hands over the skirt of her hot pink dress.

  Like my very own happily ever after. The thought comes to me unbidden and I almost say it, because it’s true. But it’s also sappy and ridiculous and completely over the top. So I settle for clearing my throat and saying, “Good. You look…good.”

  Elara rolls her eyes, but she doesn’t complain about my lack of effusiveness. Instead, she moves to open the front door. Seconds later Hunter, Emerson, Shawn and Sage pile in, laughing and talking over and around one another the way they always do.

  The noise has my sisters pouring in from the kitchen just as the doorbell rings again. And as my house fills up with friends who feel a whole lot like family, my eyes meet Elara’s through the chaos.

  She smiles at me and mouths I love you. And that’s when it hits me, really hits me. She’s more than my happily ever after. She’s the one person in the world I can lean on when things get bad.

  She’s my partner. She’s my…everything. And I’m hers. Forever.

  For Chris,

  because when you’re really lucky, new friends become best friends

  BY TRACY WOLFF

  Lightning

  Down & Dirty

  Hot & Heavy

  Rough & Ready

  HRH

  Royal Pain